sharing a sexual fantasy with a partner

Sexual fantasies are natural and normal. They’re emotionally and physically stimulating, and sometimes acting on these desires can be incredibly liberating.

Confessing a seemingly taboo thought to your lover can lead to greater intimacy – and exhibition without judgment deepens trust. Sharing a fantasy with your partner is an opportunity to learn about each other – and reignite your sex life – by venturing into new spaces. It’s normal to feel vulnerable with this experience, so I’ve outlined a few steps to help ease into the conversation.

Establish a Clear Space – Before Sex:

Sharing your private sexual thoughts can be a nerve-wracking experience. It’s important to establish open and honest communication with your partner, so even if you’re on the receiving end of a secret, neither party feels uncomfortable or judged. Listen with an open mind and be specific when describing your fantasies. Have a fetish for BDSM? BDSM erotic play can range from bondage and discipline, to dominance and submission, to sadism and masochism. What specific features turn you on? Is it one or all of them?

Communicate your expectations for your fantasy before you have sex. While in the middle of intimacy, broaching a new subject can create awkwardness, conflict, discomfort, or worse, kill the entire mood. Are you looking to simply verbally share or would you like to actually explore? Take the plunge and share what you’re into in advance. This way you both have clear expectations of the new adventure.

Dealing with Reactions:

Are you prepared for your partner’s reaction? Let them know its okay not to be “okay” with whatever you present. Everyone has different comfort zones. Perhaps together, the two of you can find a way to re-interpret the fantasy into something doable. If you’re not comfortable with the direct approach, you can always test their reaction through a third-party medium, such as a movie or book. Ask your partner about how they felt about a particular scene in a movie – it’s a simple way to get the topic going and allows your partner to put the fantasy into context.

Remember to keep an open mind. You’ll never know what you two can tackle in the bedroom if you don’t bring it up. Share your fantasy and have fun. Perhaps you’ll both discover something new and sexy about yourselves!

xo,
jd